coffee?

I’ve been a “regretful” person lately in life. Before you start thinking, “No No No Jeremy! That’s no good.” I already know that. I was watching the worship video on ibethel.tv from our 2nd year Graduation this past May and started to feel some regrets. I really messed up my first two years at Bethel. So often shut down by insecurities and fear, I would often revert to isolation than take a risk. A risk like asking someone to coffee to actually get to know them; to become friends. And then as I thought about that it started making me think again, “Gee, who would want to have coffee with me?’ And I immediately realized probably quite a few people. Why? Because don’t so many of us have the same condition, the same lonely hearts? The idea of someone actually taking interest in us to want to spend time with us and get to know us is actually quite stimulating. It’s quite encouraging. So, would someone want to have coffee with me? Probably so.

For those of you wondering what the heck “coffee” is. Coffee is defined as meeting someone in a shop or cafe that serves coffee and connecting with them on a personal level. Well, actually, that’s not the definition of coffee, it just seems to be. :-)

Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes for so many in this world is feeling unlovable? I know that much of my life I’ve carried shame, not for something I’ve done, but for being me. Which is an insult to the One who made me. That shame is communicated through shyness, fear, feeling unlovable and other things such as that. But the reality is, I should not be ashamed of who I am for God made me to be me, not someone else. This has been a huge plight on my life, one I’ve dealt with and been dealing with for a long time. Why am I not over it? Apparently I got a lot more healing to do or maybe I just need to stop agreeing with the lies of the enemy and declare myself into reality. Perhaps the very thought, “Gee, who would want to have coffee with me?” was in fact the enemy reminding me of who he wants me to think I am. I’m glad the second thought came, because that’s more true. And then the greatest truth is that we’re all amazing people created by an amazingly creative God who loves us and wants us to know, experience, and share that same type of love with each other. To live in authentic community…. To live in it. I often feel kinda like I was on the edges of the beautiful community experience my class went through last year. The beautiful times of worship and bonding. I didn’t feel connected. That’s not anyone’s fault but mine.  It’s time to change that. To initiate, risk, and enjoy my life. So here’s to coffee, connection, and no more regrets! 

I look forward to living more clearly aware of who I am to God and myself.