A treasured mix of antiquated sorrows and ridiculous regrets remain in this heart of mine. Too often I hold onto things in my past that have simply gone by the way of things passed by long ago. I hold to them for some stupid reason as if I were a fool with no capacity to recognize the brightness of my present situation and future potentialities. Treasured because I find within my mind an inclination to place them in a higher position of authority than the God who set me free before I was born on a cross 2,000 years ago.
Comparison, depression, dissatisfaction, frustration… All words that end in “on”. All words that I let sit “on” me… my thoughts, my wanderings, my choices, my will. Words that need replacement therapy. New words like passion, mission, vision, direction, satisfaction, sanctification, and redemption must take their rightful places in my heart and mind.
How do I let go? How do I get over my past? How do I get past regret and sorrows over things that have divided my vision and cursed my direction. You see, that’s just it… How do I let go? I haven’t quite figured that part out yet. Retraining the way I think seems so fake, so forced. I want the way I think to come from my innate passion; that new creation that I’m supposed to have become years ago.
Paul talks about laying aside every weight which so easily ensnares us and looking into the eyes of the author and finisher of our faith. I’ve been doing that, but there must be more in His eyes because that’s not helping enough. You are more than enough Jesus. That’s what we hear, that’s what we say, but so often I feel like You play hard to get and well, it hurts. The answer to “hard to get” has become the Proverb that You hide Yourself so that we, as kings will search You out. I can see the point in that but I can’t help but thinking if I had just a little more of a glimpse of Your eyes I’d be all about searching You out. David says that You’ve searched me and You know me. You want us to do the same, so where, how do I start?
Ahh… yeah. I start right here…
Hello… I am here…