saving...

I am saving myself for you. I have filled my mind with a mission about a boy saving himself for his bride. I have a long way to go, conflicting thoughts, occasional outbursts, struggles, trials, and temptations all have encouraged me to slip in varying degrees. But I am still here, and I am saving myself for you. Who you are? I don’t know. When you will enter my life? I hope soon. I’ve waited for a long time and have squandered many years, wasting them on childish ventures. It’s time to put that stuff aside and prepare my heart to be a man not a boy, to be a husband faithful, a father not a son, a friend forever.

I am scared. To be so vulnerable, to face intimacy, this will be new to me. I’ve managed to merely scrape the surface of relationships with all friends and perhaps even some family. What does intimacy look like? That’s definitely a question I cannot answer as an authority on the matter. Superficialities, now there is my professional career, I can tell you all about that.

So here we go, I’m kind of embarrased to post this rather “emo” note, but I want to. I got to start somewhere. Might as well be in the superficial safety net called the internet. At least the people reading this for the most part know me personally.

So here’s to growing up! Finally…